Me, My Sin, and I

This is for everyone who has ever fallen short of God's best; who has gone astray, even if only for a second. For everyone who struggles with some sin and desires the liberation that only God can give. If this describes you, then this is for you.

I didn't start out planning to do what I did but then I found myself doing it, and again and again and again.

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." (Romans 7:18-20, NIV)

The thrill, the excitement, the adrenaline rush, racing heartbeats...my mind longs after this BUT I know I shouldn't be doing this; I honestly can't help myself. As I do it, I'm gradually sucked into this vortex of pleasure; damn it feels good! Blood coursing through my veins, my heart beating ten to the dozen, my face getting flushed with the release of blood....but deep in my heart, I know I shouldn't go down this lane.

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."(Proverbs 14:12, NIV)

I know because I've been on this road before. It's always very busy, I always have willing co-travellers; some I know only too well and others I may never see but they are there. I feel them, perceive their aura as they saunter past, feel the air break as they weave through the streets.... and I can feel the lure, the attraction, the enticement, calling out to me.

"She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest point of the city,calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way." (Proverbs 9: 14-15, NIV)

I'm doing what I should not, going where I must not go but it's hard to slow down, stop, or even turn back. I say to myself "let me at least take the first few minutes after that I promise I will not go ahead, continuing in the path I know will lead me astray"....but I'm rarely ever successful as I find myself going the whole 9 yards.

I know it's really not right and I should ask for forgiveness but I'm quite high right now and I say to myself "I'll ask for forgiveness once I'm done". I'll pray to God and He'll forgive me just as He said in His word (which is really true BUT have I considered the repercussions?)

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV)

Oh yes, God will forgive me no doubt but I'm forever going to be weighed down by cause and effect; I am responsible for my actions and the results thereafter.... and have I considered this? Well maybe I have and maybe I haven't but the pleasures of the now seem more encapsulating than the pains of tomorrow.

Lord strengthen me that I might not yield myself to sin but keep your righteous banner lifted high... Helen Baylor (Hunger for Holiness)